Can soon to be moms please shut up about feeling tired going into your next trimester? Can you please shut up about your pregnant weight gain? Can you please shut up about how uncomfortable you all are? Shut up and be completely and utterly grateful you get to feel anything at all. I literally went onto FB 5 mins ago and found three posts in a row from pregnant mamas complaining for the world to hear how pregnancy is just so hard. People, please stop pandering for pity. It's childish.
It is so infuriating to hear pregnant women complain. I admit. I was one of them. When we were pregnant, I felt awful. Thankfully I didn't parade it around social media, but I did complain. I wish I could shake some sense into that girl and tell her "enjoy feeling miserable. It means you are growing life. So don't complain".
So pregnant moms, stop your complaining. Be grateful you get to birth your son or daughter in a short while. I don't get that privilege.
And while I'm in my irrational and angry state of mind.., here's something else that pisses me off. I am grateful for ladies opening up about their loss. I know they are trying to bring comfort to me. But what has been driving me nuts is the comparison. What do I mean? Listen, I have had friends lose babies well into 20+ weeks. Friends that have lost their precious babes shortly after bringing them into the world. I would NEVER DARE compare what we went through at 17 weeks to their experiences. I'm smart enough to know what they went through was far more devastating. So, it can be hard to have ppl tell you that they know exactly what we are going through because they miscarried at 6 weeks. You don't. You truly have no idea. Just as I have no idea what you went through at 6. I'm not trying to say losing a baby early on isn't equally horrible. What I am saying is all losses are different. Saying they are all the same is wrong. All experiences are different. All losses are different. Different ppl, different circumstances, different everything. It's just so disrespectful to tell someone you know exactly what they are feeling when clearly everyone has a different story. I've learned that the best way to help others is to stop giving advice and tell them you love them. That you'll be there for them beyond the first few weeks of grief because that's when you really need support.
It completely sucks to have had to cremate our son. I'm so angry right now. And I'm fine with feeling angry. I'm not going to shove down my emotions and get over it. My dear friend Cliff reminded me I'm a human being and it's okay to feel what humans feel. Anger. Sadness. Grief. Confusion. Hurt. Two months in and my heart is still shattered. I remember hearing women that had gone through miscarriages and as time wore on, thinking "they should kinda be getting over this...time to move on". Holy crap. What a terrible thing to think.
I guess I'll just end my ramblings here and post a picture of my dog. She makes me smile.
No words can help when you've lost a baby. I cut off all my pregnant friends because I couldn't even bare to be around them, some didn't understand because no one truly knows what you're going through emotionally, physically, etc. If you feel angry, be angry! If your sad, be sad. if you want to say F U to all the pregnant people and moms who complain then do it.You' re right everyone's experience is so different and you don't really need to hear about others. Anyways just wanted to let you know that I care about you. xoxo
ReplyDeletei hope that didn't sound like advice, just meant to say the angry,frustration and sadness was familiar.
ReplyDeleteDid not come off like advice! It is very reassuring to know that maybe I'm not crazy for cutting out pregnant friends from my life currently. You're right, it's so hard to express the sadness to those that have (thankfully) never experienced it. I laughed with the FU comment. That's exactly how I feel. You get it :) I so appreciate your kind words. They help the healing.
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